In Memoriam

Graciella Maria McKenney was born and died last Wednesday, May 24th, 2006. She was the daughter of Matt and Ursula McKenney, and the grand-daughter of Wayne McKenney, my mother's husband.

Graciella's twenty week sonogram revealed that Graciella was developing without a skull--an extreme form of spinal bifida--and would not survive outside the womb, if she survived birth. Still Matt and Ursula chose to keep Graciella and to carry her to term. In spite of strong feelings against this decision from some family members, Matt and Ursula felt it was the right choice. Now Graciella has come and gone, but the memory of her and the choice her parents made will remain.

I am grateful that we live in a place that does not demand abortions, even if we can get abortion on demand. Others disagree. "Selfish" is what the pragmatists say about keeping a fetus that will not survive: it drains money and resources from other mothers, other babies who will more likely live healthy lives; it sucks at the emotions of those who live in the circle of mom/dad/baby; it's an un-necessary pain with no reward for the waiting. It's foolish.

Oh, I could play with this idea for awhile, as unpleasant as it is.

What if? I ask. What if, after careful actuarial research on the matter, Mom A and Mom B are awarded services based on their prospects for delivering healthy babies... What if Mom B got the best care and Mom A got the second best? Then what if Mom B and baby were killed by a drunk driver two days after coming home from the hospital? And Mom A had an unforseen complication in the delivery that would have been easily handled if she'd had Mom B's 'best care'? All those careful calculations couldn't plan for every possibility, could they? And yet, if the pragmatists could follow their noses, they'd end up here, in as big an emotional morass as ever.

I'm grateful that Matt and Ursula loved Graciella for as long as they could and gave her the dignity of dying at the hands of Practical Nature rather than at the hands of 'Pragmatic' Man.

Nothing is ever guaranteed, except that we are all fools about something--or someone--parents, particularly. I want my daughter to know that I was a fool for her, and I hope that when I'm gone she'll say that I loved her as best I could, for as long as I could, in my own foolish way. Thank you, Graciella, for that precious reminder. You were aptly named.

If you're the praying sort, please pray for Matt and Ursula--and Wayne.

Edited 5/31: Please pray for reconciliation and peace for the whole family, as well. Thanks.